I'd Wait For Life
by greencyanide
Summary: Draco and Astoria's marriage is not the one they write books about. One lives in hope, the other in cold indifference.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Written for Lucy's (_thethymeisright_) Challenge**

**Prompts used Parchment and Quill and Leaving home**

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The summer was unusually sultry and the air was uncomfortably still. The sun was blazing overhead, a mellow orb of heat which never knows what is the right time to shine. It never shines on cold, wintry days when a look at the grey sky makes all the sadness coagulate in your chest. It makes you sweat on days you just wanted to lay down by the edge of the pool with a book.

Today was one of those days, and Draco wished he had not woken up. He sat on one of the mahogany benches lining the manicured lawn, in staunch silence. He was looking resolutely at the swan paddling in the water, dipping its head once in a while and tossing back out regally. It was a proud creature and Draco admired it for that.

"He is so beautiful, isn't he?"

Astoria's awed voice irritated Draco. In fact, everything about her was making him exasperated. He knew this was their parents attempt to get them to know each other. What he did not understand was that if they had already made the match, why bother setting them up together? They knew Astoria lacked the courage to stand up against this medieval method of betrothal and Draco lacked the energy.

He did not reply but just stared ahead. He felt Astoria's nervous eyes on him. What did he do to deserve two hours with a girl as skittish as a young puppy? Maybe she was well within reason to be apprehensive - she did not know him, he was a former Death Eater and he looked like a ghost from spending too much time indoors. There were days he could not recognize himself in the mirror - his eyes lost their arrogant glint, his pointed face looked merely pointed and not remnants of aristocracy and his skin was greyish. He looked demented and he was not bothered at all. He just hoped Astoria would stop believing in finding a 'connection' that would never be there.

Astoria ventured again, "Did you go to the Wimbourne Wasps match last Sunday, Draco?"

"No," said Draco shortly, hating the way Astoria said 'Draco' - with so much familiarity, as if she knew everything he was and was not.

Astoria looked hurt at his curt reply, and looked down. The crickets chirped on and Draco leaned back on the bench and closed his eyes.

"We are going to get married."

Astoria's words startled Draco. He knew it, he knew she knew it too, but he was a bit surprised nontheless when he heard her apeak aloud about it.

He looked at Astoria - her eyes were cast down, a shy blush on her cheeks. Oh no, was she really attaching emotions to this - pact?

Draco searched for words. "I know we - might. But, just so we're clear, I'm not - I'm not.. you know, in love with you or something."

Astoria's neck sprung up too quickly for him to realize she was not aware of that. She was not aware that this would be nothing more than a business deal for him, that he was too bitter to love anyone.

He could have played along and let her know that their marriage was to be a loveless one, after a few months, after the honeymoon at least. But he felt it would be like tricking her. He knew his confession would be of no consequence in the marriage that was planned before Astoria's birth, but he did not want her to be under any illusion either.

"You were supposed to get married to Daphne," whispered Astoria, her head hanging down and Draco was positive she was trying to hide tears.

"I am not in love with her, either," he stated flatly, addressing the real question.

Astoria did not move. "Who is it, then?"

Draco felt like running away from her. Silly girl, didn't she even understand that he was in no mood for love and sweet nothings?

"No one."

Astoria looked faintly hopeful, and Draco wished he had given a fake name. At least that would get the idea of him loving her out of Astoria's mind.

After a few silent minutes, Astoria said, "I joined the Northampton Ladies' Book Club."

That did it. Draco couldn't stop himself, not that he was tempted to, before he flared, "Please Astoria, don't wear me out with your small talk. I know we have to spend two hours together before lunch, so might as well have some peace. I won't tell you anything, and you don't fill me in either!"

Astoria shifted nervously on her seat. "But Draco, how ... how else are we going to know each other?"

"We don't _need_ to know each other! It's just a deal, a bloody deal that's all!"

Draco flinched inside at his own cold voice. It was one of those times, he was so afraid. Afraid of himself, of t he was turning into.

Astoria bit her lips and looked away. Draco noted with wonder that he felt nothing at her obvious distress. She pulled out a handkerchief from her bag and wiped her face.

"Do you want to go inside?" asked Draco, in a very unconcerned tone.

Astoria shook her head slightly, staring at her hands in her lap.

"I love you, Draco," she whispered, lightly but decisively.

At this, Draco laughed out aloud. A barking laugh that disgusted him, and intimidated Astoria.

"I.. I am not joking," she said hesitantly.

Draco laughed still. Then he shook his head, and smirked. "I know, that is what makes it so very funny. But don't worry, you're nineteen. You'll get over it."

Astoria looked apalled. "But I don't want to get over it. I... you're my fiance.."

Draco looked at Astoria one long hard moment. Then he sighed and leaned back, resting his head on his hands.

"Look, Astoria, I want you to listen to me. We are not getting married because we are in love. We are getting married, because it is a custom for pure-bloods to marry their pure-blood cousins. We fit the bill, and so the wedding bells might ring. And I am not going to lead you on, so here it is. I will never be able to love you. I would not be able to love anyone, so it's not your fault. If you want, you can back out of this marriage."

Heavy tears were rolling down Astoria's cheeks. "Why?" she whispered.

Draco did not answer. He heard Astoria's stifled sobs, and he just laid back still. He heard her get up and leave, and he did not even open his eyes. He was not sure why he was doing this, but somehow he knew he was better off like this.

He looked at his watch. It was twelve - time to put up a smile and go for lunch.

**x x x x x x**

Astoria did not know how many tears she had shed since locking herself up in the room. Her mother gently knocked on the door.

"Astoria, what is wrong, darling? Please open the door."

Astoria gulped a huge sob and wiped her face, trying to look decent. But she knew her bloodshot eyes, blotchy face and tousled hair would give away.

She unlocked the door and let her mother in.

Her mother looked composed, but Astoria knew her mother well enough to see the shock darting in her eyes.

"What happened, my dear?"

Astoria sat on the edge of her bead.

"Mum, am I going to be married to Draco?"

"What kind of a question is that? Yes, you will."

"Why?"

Esmerelda Greengrass did not know the answer to this simple question.

"Did Draco say something?"

Astoria slowly shook her head, tears twinkling spilling from her eyes. Her mother slowly put an arm around her shoulder. "You can tell me, Astoria."

That opened the floodgates, and Astoria collapsed into her mother's arms, sobbing.

Her mother did not prompt her again, and just stroked her hair quietly.

"He said he would never be able to love me," said Astoria, finally between sobs.

Her mother's arms tightened around her, and she placed a light kiss on her head.

"Astoria, I think time has come for you to know something. We pure-blood witches are destined to marry pure-blood wizards. Even before birth, it is decided who will marry whom. Your betrothal with Draco had been decided when you were six months in my womb."

"I thought he was supposed to marry Daphne," murmured Astoria.

"No, your grandfather Langworth Greengrass decided his youngest granddaughter should marry the Malfoy heir. But that news upset me more than anyone can imagine."

Astoria looked up in surprise to see her mother smiling gently.

"I was upset because it reminded me too much of the first time I was forced to spend an afternoon with your father. I was intimidated - he was already an accomplished wizard, and I, a witch of seventeen, barely out of school. It continued for several months, during which the prospect of spending afternoons with him scared me witless! No, don't look so shocked, he did nothing indecent. Somehow, I felt, as if I was going to be handed a big responsibility - of being a perfect wife to Reginald. But, of course, I bore on, and we were married. We got to know each other, we _had_ to get to know each other, after all we would be spending our lives together. Our shyness diluted into a familiarity. We were not in love, but we liked each other. And then, Daphne was born. She looked exactly like your father - everyone quoted her the rightful heir to the Greengrass family. She was not betrothed to anyone, your father loved her too much to seal her fate when she was just months old. Two years later, you were born. I held you in my hands for the first time, and you opened your eyes and smiled at me. You looked so beautiful, so pure that I cried as I cradled you close. And then Narcissa Malfoy came to congratulate me, and she said, _'She would make the perfect wife for Draco.'_ Those words, those exact words brought back all those feelings, that fear I had felt during my quiet afternoons with Reginald. That night I lay thinking, as you softly crooned beside me. About how I dreaded those days and was too scared to even make excuses. Scared of being instrumental to such a big constitution, that I did not even have the courage to say what I felt. And I knew I couldn't not let that happen to you. I promised myself I would not let you marry whom you were told to. I promised myself that you would marry only whom you chose to, whom you loved and who loved you back tenfold."

Esmerelda looked down at her daughter, with her soft blue eyes. "I think I had forgotten that promise. But now I know, I have to keep it. So, Astoria, if you want to break this engagement, I am going to stand beside you, and you have my full support."

Astoria slowly walked up to the window. The sun was setting, and the elves had started setting up the tables in the lawn.

"Is it hard, Mum?" she asked, softly.

"What is?"

"Giving up someone you love?"

Esmerelda was quiet for a few moments. "Only someone who has loved can say that, Astoria."

"I am going to marry Draco, Mum."

**x x x x x x**

The evening party was a gentle affair, everyone was enjoying themselves. Draco sipped his wine and stood in the balcony. The evening was pleasantly cool, unlike the day. He revelled in the gentle cool breeze swirling around him. Though he could not imagine why, it reminded him of Hogwarts.

"Draco?"

Astoria's voice wrenched Draco out of the cool, soothing place Draco had been transported to.

Without turning towards her, he passively asked, "What?"

"Turn around, look at me, Draco."

Draco was mildly surprised at the authority in her voice. Astoria was wearing a peach coloured evening gown, which flattered her alabaster complexion and elegant frame. Too bad she was wasting all of it on him, Draco thought.

Astoria took a deep breath and looked directly into his eyes.

"I - thought about what you said earlier. And I have reached a decision. I am not going to stand up against this marriage. When I said I love you, I was not lying. I don't know where to start or how to begin. But I know I love you still. Maybe you think it's a whim, a teenager's perception, but I would rather wait my entire life trying to figure out, than give up before it began. Like every girl, I wanted to live like a princess with her loving prince by her side. Maybe those wishes was not meant to be fulfilled, but I still have hope. I would take my chances, I would wait for life - the life I wanted. So, my answer is yes."

Draco did not speak for a minute. Then he drew himself up to full height. "As I have already mentioned, I may never be able to love you. But I promise I would be a civil husband to you. Astoria Isabella Greengrass, will you marry me?"

Astoria did not pause for even the briefest moment before uttering, "Yes."

**x x x x x x**

Draco undressed and put on his nightshirt languidly, as another day ended - same as any other, save the proposal. No, he didn't do that before.

As he got to his bed, he saw a small green package lying on the coverlet. He picked it up, and tore away the cover.

A roll of parchment and quill lay inside a box, with a note sticked to its side.

_Dear Draco,_

_ I will be leaving home for France early tomorrow, to complete my education in finishing school. I will be gone by the time you wake up tomorrow, hence this letter. I shall think of you. I will write to you as soon as I reach my school and I hope you will write back._

_ Lovingly yours,_

_ Astoria._

Draco crumpled up the note and threw it to the bin. He put the parchment and the quill into the drawer. A small photograph of Astoria, which his mother had insisted he kept with him, smiled and waved up at him. Maybe he would write down a line or two tomorrow.


End file.
